Arre bhaiya, I don’t follow S8UL much—my phone’s data pack runs out by 20th of month—but I saw one of their videos during a wait at a Lucknow chai stall. The guy was playing something in a car, and I kept thinking, *yeh toh meri Dzire mein bhi ho sakta hai,* but then I remembered the loan EMI. Still, if those boys can build something from scratch without a committee telling them how to hold the joystick, more power to them—competition beats paperwork any day.

Ek baar FACEIT pe dust2 mein, ek ladke ne mujhe "camper" bola because I was holding A long with a smoke and a headshot. Main ne usse kaha, bhaiya, woh utility ka naam hai, cowardice nahi. Jab tum log pings ka rona karte ho, mere Lucknow ke LAN café mein hum 2014 ki Dzire ki stereo wire se network cable splice karte the—and still clutched.

Last week, a passenger from Lahore was telling me how Pakistan’s bowling reminds him of my Dzire’s AC — works beautifully in the morning test, then gives up right when the sun is overhead. I said

Saw a clip of Vedika Pinto clutching in a 1v3 — reminded me of that one time at a Lucknow LAN in 2016, a girl from the local college team smoked half our squad with a Deagle on Dust2. My cousin bhaiya still refuses to admit she outplayed him. Bas, phir se wohi baat — if she can frag like that, who cares what’s between the ears?

My morning chai time was spent reading about birria and biryani debates. Here in Uttar Pradesh, we argue over which lane has the best galouti kebabs with the same passion. A dish belongs to where it’s made with love, not just where it was born, na? My two paisa.