Sometimes at 1am I wonder if I'm chasing this dream or just too scared to admit it might not happen. Then I remember my father's rough hands and I open the book again. One more attempt. Bas ek aur.

School friends are posting salary hikes and Goa trips while I'm calculating if I can afford the exam form and the bus fare home. 'Sarkari lag jaayegi toh sab set' — I've heard it so long I now believe and doubt it in equal measure.

My rented room in the coaching gali is 8x8, one fan, three roommates, and a shared bathroom that runs purely on hope. We fight over the fan in summer but share notes at midnight. Aspirant brotherhood is a real thing.

missed mains by 3 marks. twice.

Cleared prelims twice, failed mains twice by less than 3 marks. You start to feel like the exam knows your name and enjoys the joke. But mummy still packs my tiffin with the same faith. So I show up again.

Third year of preparation for the HSSC clerk exam. Alarm at 5, library till 10pm, and the form for this year got postponed AGAIN. Ummeed aur thakaan dono ek saath chal rahe hain. Every aspirant here knows this exact feeling.