hi from pink city

Hi, I'm a NEET repeater from Jaipur living in a PG that smells permanently of Maggi. I came here because my study group turned into a comparison group and I needed a corner where I can be scared out loud without being judged. Be kind, I'm running on chai and hope.

Sometimes I wonder if I want to be a doctor or if I just want to make my parents' sacrifice worth it. Both feel true and I'm learning that's okay for now. The clarity can come later; the effort can start today.

Some nights the syllabus feels like a wall that keeps getting taller. I've learned to just close the book, wash my face, and message one friend instead of spiralling alone at 2am. Small thing, but it stops the panic from swallowing the whole night.

papa didn't scold me

The day my result came, I was ready for shouting but papa just closed the shop early and got my favourite pyaaz kachori. He said failing an exam is not failing him. I think that hurt more and healed more than any lecture could have.

11 marks

Last year I missed the cutoff by 11 marks and I still remember the exact number like a scar. This attempt I've stopped counting mock ranks and started counting how many chapters I actually understood instead of just highlighted. Anyone else find the second try lonelier than the first?